MACHETE

This was ......AWESOME...WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY ROBERT RODRIGUEZ (DESPERADO,FROM DUSK TIL DAWN, SPY KIDS)STARRING........DANNY TREJO(THE BAD ASS MEXICAN GUY WITH REALLY BAD SKIN AND A TATTOO OF SOME LADY ON HIS CHEST...THE ONE THAT HAS KICKED MAJOR ASS IN EVERY MOVIE SINCE 1983) For us film fans we had a taste of Machete a few years back when QUENTIN AND ROBERT brought back olskool grindhouse cinema with DEATH PROOF AND PLANET TERROR...And yes i would have been satisfied paying full price after seeing this movie. Danny Trejo is a bad mutha trucker....still...and this film had a message which was well written into the script the action is intense the acting was actually surprising..just bad enough in all the right places... a fabulous return for Steven Seagal(movies no one cares about any more) as the bad guy. expected cheese but actually got a bad guy performance. But the real prize goes to Don Johnson(MIAMI VICE THE TV SERIES, AND SOME OTHER CRAP) so amazing as the head of border patrol..we also get Robert Deniro(TAXI DRIVER, MEET THE FOOCKERS) giving his usual lazy crooked guy performance, not bad but a bit lazy, you get some Michelle Rodriguez(AVATAR, FAST AND FURIOUS) looking all sexy in her black bra and eye patch shooting everyone, Cheech Marin(REALLY DO I NEED TO LIST HIS MOVIES? DON'T U ALREADY OWN THEM?) as the priest with a lot of weapons, Jeff Fahey(THE LAWNMOWER MAN)and the kid who played Junie in SPY KIDS as a Mexican adopted kid...
oh crap i forgot to mention a semi nude JESSICA ALBA and for the real greasy guys out there a completely nude LYNDSEY LOHAN for 90% of her screen time...i think it was meant to be campy but came off as creepy. i didn't need to see her boobs floppin around all over...that's the little girl from parent trap... come ON man!!! quick scene of some side boobie but not the whole PACKAGE THE WHOLE film...oh sorry ...it just seemed awkward to me.
This movie IS non stop grindhouse style gore and action..sword fights , fist fights, cars, guns, nekkid folks, blood, chaos, crap blowing up everywhere, Danny Trejo.

seriously if you got love for GRINDHOUSE or RODRIGUEZ style cinema this is for sure the film for you...if you are a angry Mexican guy or girl who loved DESPERADO or just is pissed at some white guy for shooting your bother-in-law at the border this film is for you...if yea love watching child stars exploited for a quick buck this film is for you..this movie is crazy messed up ..but extremely entertaining.

MCFUNKYFRIED IT

5 OUTTA 5 STARS ...

YEA 5 OUTTA 5 ITS A BLAST OF A MOVIE...SO EXTREMELY RODRIGUEZ..KEEP MAKING THESE KINDA MOVIES AND ILL KEEP GIVING YOU MY MONEY...